One of my ideas is that even people who have not heard of Jesus can encounter the essence that Jesus was filled with when God became aware of Himself in Jesus: The essence of Love.
Since I had grown up in the Anthroposophical cult, I did not want to impose a spiritual doctrine on my children but wanted spirituality to mature within them through their own curiosity. Moreover, for many years, I had not centered my life around Jesus. But a little more than six months before Nicholas' death, during the summer of 2021, I began to relate to Jesus again.
At the hospital, I told Nicholas about the significance of Jesus, when Nicholas was still able to communicate. He thought it was "beautiful" that God took residence in Jesus and took on the responsibility for the errors that had arisen in Creation - after the rebellion of the angels, when suffering, evil, and death had entered Creation.
These themes can also be found in Sumerian, Egyptian, and Greek pre-Christian myths.
Christian faith means that we receive forgiveness for our sins when we acknowledge them, repent, and follow Jesus' example: To let the Holy Spirit fill us. Then it becomes easy for us to obey both God's Ten Commandments and Jesus' own commandment: That we should love one another. Jesus says:
Matthew 12:31-32 (NIV):
"31 And so I tell you, every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. 32 Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come."
Mark 3:28-29 (NIV):
"28 Truly I tell you, people can be forgiven all their sins and every slander they utter, 29 but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; they are guilty of an eternal sin."
Luke 12:10 (NIV):
"And everyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven."
But how should we relate to those with "hard hearts" who cannot acknowledge their sins and open themselves to the essence of Love - who instead cling to lies, mockery, malice, and deceit?
We can always forgive. To forgive means to distinguish between a person's innermost will and the demons that occupy it. But our forgiveness of those with hard hearts is not enough to protect us from them - or to save them from the demons.
Nicholas cried for those who failed in their goodness. He rarely became angry. But when he did, it was at those who had given up on being good.
Once at the hospital, when he had been sitting in the wheelchair for a long time and was in pain in his chest and back, he repeatedly pleaded with the nurses to move him to the bed. But one of them was busy with some paperwork and they needed to be two. I was just about to tell them off when Nicholas slammed his fist on the wheelchair's armrest and said in a firm and drawn-out tone: "You are slow." I heard that it was their lax morality that made him angry.
We may rage against those with hard hearts. And we can sacrifice ourselves for those who suffer under their sabotage, deceit, sadism, and greed.
Whether Nicholas in some way chose to live a short time among us and go before us through the gate of death, I do not know. But that he went before us has created a code of honor for our family: That we honor him by following in his footsteps and trying to be as honest, forgiving, positive, and loving as he was.
And to give everyone a chance until they prove that they have given up on being good. His older brother wrote to me today:
”My heart is broken forever, but at the same time, Nicholas' soul and love are strong enough to illuminate the darkness of the entire world.”
And this light is a weapon against all who deny it’s value. It lifts up all who embrace it.
Nicholas was dead at the hospital - once before he died: on January 16th, his heart stood still for several minutes, and he had poor circulation for 50 minutes afterward. When he awoke, he could sometimes follow sounds and objects with his eyes, occasionally follow a command to move his mouth or hands - but mostly his gaze was fixed in the distance and his body was motionless. And he could not speak. Yet a strange clarity, peace, and wisdom filled his gaze.
We had Nicholas baptized after he was awakened, following the operation that ensued after the cardiac arrest. But I believe that he was already baptized by the essence of Love - and that he had already seen the world to which he would return on the night of February 13th, 2022.
When I told Nicholas the day after the baptism that he was now a member of the Church of Sweden, a single tear ran down his cheek.
After Nicholas' death, his younger sibling said that he had told he wanted to be a Christian.
After Nicholas' death, he appeared in our dreams: Both I and my adult children's mother saw him on a ship heading to the West Indies.
I saw him on the nights following his death in a tuxedo and bow tie on a beach in the Caribbean, celebrating what he called ”the Foundation”. Later, he was dressed in knight's clothing on a pilgrimage up a mountain.
A year after his death, his younger sibling saw him standing on a dock, saying that he could be "whenever he wants."
He told his older brother in a dream the other day that he is alive. He gave a complex explanation, that his brother couldn’t understand. It reminded me of a dream I had a couple of days after Nicholas death: He explained time as a bubble, that he now is outside of - able to touch us… Yes, whenever he wants.
Dearest Bobbo,
I loved loved loved this post. I love Jesus, but also believe in reincarnation. Nicholas has gone before you but he will be there to greet you when you leave here for home.
I am a 62 year old English mum of three now grown boys, and I cannot imagine how awful it was to fight so hard for Nicholas medically and then to lose him, and all of it due to a medical tyranical lie.
I loved the quotes you referenced about Jesus. I am attending a bible reading class with my neighbour, but sometimes I feel like a fraud because I dont buy into the WHOLE of the Christian theology. But your quotes said I could say wrong things about Jesus and be forgiven. All I had to do was repent my sins and follow his example. I love that as that is kind of possible.
You said maybe Nicholas chose his short life... certainly that's what I believe, that our souls choose our lives and lessons before we come. I would heartily recommend that you have a look at THANATOS TV on You tube (there's an original German version and a well translated English version). It is full of really uplifting interviews with people who have had near death experiences, or contact with deceased loved ones etc. It is so loving and comforting. Only Nicholas's body died. His spirit is alive and well, as you say, contacting you and your family in dreams which show him having a wonderful time! Perhaps they should interview you on Thanatos TV.
I send you lots and lots and lots of love. God bless you. Nicholas is with Jesus, back home.
Caroline x
Beautiful. Thank you so much.