Nicholas is The Resistance

… that defies the archons and the ego

In the contemplation of Nicholas as "the golden one" who challenges the evil entities behind the idea of central power, I promised to share micro-observations from his 68 days in the hospital to support this insight.

It is slow and painful for me to write about this. For it involves situations where Nicholas was most exposed and vulnerable. Yet, he seemed to be carried by his strong love for his family and also by some sort of deep, mystical perspectives that he rarely spoke of but expressed a month before he fell ill. I heard him one evening quoting from a film. I wanted to film it and asked him to quote from more films. He delivered three quotes:

"The past is history, the future is a mystery, today is a gift – that’s why it’s called The Present."

- Kung Fu Panda

"Bury me in oceans with soldiers falling from the sky, because they knew that death is better than bondage."

- Black Panther

"I'd rather die a hero or live long enough to be a villain."

- Batman

Nicholas had a cautious and humble demeanor, but in silence, he patiently strove towards his goals and nurtured deep thoughts. He could secretly practice kung fu moves or chess and suddenly excel. He could hold a desire to dare jump from the highest diving tower by a lake for years and suddenly do it.

This mindset seems to be hated by the anti-human species, who want to make us slaves under their central powers. They seem to want us to follow carrots and sticks - with the superficial ego as a compass. To serve one’s family and people requires patience, tenderness, attention, courage, and a love for justice. Nicholas had all of this. It flowed from his spirit.

And this irritates the anti-human beings, whom the Gnostics called "archons" (rulers). According to the Gnostics, the Bible’s creator God is evil. They call him the Demiurge. He has created the archons to enslave humanity.

Jesus was most likely an initiated Gnostic, who pretended to be a Jew - for if you read the Gospels, it is clear in many places that he had little respect for superficial religious rules, such as purity laws for food, stoning adulterers, and not associating with people from certain ethnicities.

His "Father" (God) is not judgmental but forgives those who follow Jesus' example and receive the Holy Spirit. Only those who deny the Holy Spirit are left out in the cold, outside the Father (Matthew 12:31-32).

I saw the archons drive the egos of several in the healthcare staff around Nicholas:

The doctor from the USA who appeared after the cardiac arrest and said that Nicholas should not have monitoring of oxygen and pulse (I got that changed).

The nurse from the USA who appeared and asked if I could confirm that Nicholas did not have the right to a respirator and CPR in a crisis - and said "good" when I confirmed it. He had just said his first "aaaahh" after the cardiac arrest, in response to a question from me - and I was filled with pride, which she seemed to want to kill.

The nurse who leaned over Nicholas where he lay awake and hiccuping (this was after the cardiac arrest - and he could not speak and could barely move voluntarily). She said she should scare him so he would stop. And she said that they talk shit about him behind the glass. I got her moved.

Nurses who ignored what I said after the cardiac arrest about how he could cooperate to open his mouth if you talked to him calmly - and forced open his mouth to suck out mucus.

The deacon who I heard say to a couple, where the man asked if one as a relative should simply trust God: "Hell if I know." I also had support conversations with this man, and he seemed to want to influence me to accept that Nicholas would die long before the doctors decided to remove Nicholas' nutrition.

When the decision had been made, the deacon came into Nicholas' room with a big smile. He looked happy and energized. When we parents had a conversation with him and asked what would happen, he began with strong emphasis: "When Nicholas is DEAD..." When we told him that Nicholas liked suits so much and that we wanted to dress him in one after death, he laughed and said: "Well, maybe a little silk tie from Armani." This man served the Beast.

During Nicholas' last night, the Beast walked through the healthcare staff and monitored their steps and movements. I wanted to suction mucus from Nicholas' nose, but a nurse locked the suction and said they would not suction more mucus. I stayed calm for Nicholas' sake. But I had severe anxiety and got neck pain from my restrained anger. I lay down on a sofa near Nicholas' bed and rested on a massage pillow. I fell asleep. Nicholas slept heavily from the morphine. An hour later, a nurse woke me up and coldly said that Nicholas had taken his last breath. I quickly sat by his side and laid a hand on his chest. Then he took a deep, proud breath, reminding me of how he breathed when I taught him to swim in Crete. The nurse said, "Now I scared dad!" Nicholas took another breath. The nurse shone a flashlight in his eyes. "No, he's dead," she just said. Another nurse sat by my side. I grasped for her hand. It felt like someone was driving a spear through my heart. I began to howl with grief like a kicked dog.

Nicholas' golden glow was still over the room. During 68 days in the hospital, he had maintained his good character - from jokingly saying "Mind the Gap!" when he was moved from the bed to the operating table for the first heart surgery in mid-December - through all the days and nights when he said "take care" and "thank you" to the impressed nurses - to sitting in his wheelchair days before his death and gazing with clear eyes at the tree line outside the hospital window. His spirit lives. And it is the opposite of the archons. It is The Resistance.

The picture is from three days before Nicholas died.