Living with the complex trauma of having my son receive a COVID vaccine without informed consent, which led to his death, is a pain that is hard to describe.
After the vaccination, we believe he developed myocarditis, which resulted in endocarditis and sepsis. During the 68 days that followed in the hospital, he suffered from two heart operations and sustained brain damage after both. In the end, he died when nutrition was withdrawn.
The guilt and sorrow I feel are overwhelming. Every day since his death on 13/2/2022, I am tormented by the thought that in my attempt to protect him, I instead exposed him to a dangerous situation without fully understanding the consequences.
Psychological and sociological studies on the state's role in such tragedies, where individuals' lives are affected by political decisions and medical recommendations, provide some insight into the complex relationship between trust in authorities and personal responsibility.
In "Confronting Humanity at Its Worst: Social Psychological Perspectives on Genocide," it is discussed how state-sanctioned actions can lead to massive suffering through mechanisms such as obedience and dehumanization. These factors can also be applied to medical decisions where individuals do not receive sufficient information to make informed choices.
[Confronting Humanity at its Worst: Social Psychological Perspectives on Genocide | Oxford Academic](https://academic.oup.com/book/37362).
Further, studies on extrajudicial executions highlight how states can deny responsibility and claim that such actions are beyond their control, creating a sense of powerlessness among the victims' families:
[academic.oup.com](https://academic.oup.com/edited-volume/40215/chapter/344569240#:~:text=URL%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Facademic.oup.com%2Fedited).
Trying to process this trauma involves confronting both personal and systemic questions. How could I have informed myself better? How could healthcare personnel and authorities have acted to prevent this? These questions, even if they may never receive satisfactory answers, are part of the grieving process and my struggle to understand and find some form of peace in a situation that feels so deeply unjust.
The state exacerbates the trauma for individuals affected by its decisions by often avoiding taking responsibility for negative consequences. This can manifest in several ways:
1. Lack of transparency and accountability:
- When the state or authorities do not acknowledge mistakes or avoid taking responsibility for the consequences of their decisions, it worsens the trauma for those affected. The lack of transparency and a tendency to evade responsibility can make individuals feel betrayed and abandoned by the institutions they expected to protect and support them:
[Confronting Humanity at its Worst: Social Psychological Perspectives on Genocide | Oxford Academic](https://academic.oup.com/book/37362).
[academic.oup.com](https://academic.oup.com/edited-volume/40215/chapter/344569240#:~:text=URL%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Facademic.oup.com%2Fedited).
2. Public denials and deflection of blame:
- When authorities publicly deny responsibility or deflect blame, it creates a sense of powerlessness and frustration among those affected. This worsens the emotional and psychological trauma as there is no form of acknowledgment or validation of their suffering. Sociological studies on state-sanctioned violence show that denial and blame deflection are common tactics that exacerbate victims' trauma:
[Confronting Humanity at its Worst: Social Psychological Perspectives on Genocide | Oxford Academic](https://academic.oup.com/book/37362).
3. Institutional arrogance and dehumanization:
- Institutional arrogance, where authorities display an indifferent or condescending attitude towards those affected, contributes to a feeling of being dehumanized and unimportant. This reinforces the trauma by dismissing the experiences and emotions of the victims as irrelevant or exaggerated. This dynamic mirrors the mechanisms used in state-sanctioned violence where dehumanization of the victims is a central component:
[Confronting Humanity at its Worst: Social Psychological Perspectives on Genocide | Oxford Academic](https://academic.oup.com/book/37362) [oai_citation:5,academic.oup.com](https://academic.oup.com/edited-volume/40215/chapter/344569240#:~:text=URL%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Facademic.oup.com%2Fedited).
4. Inadequate support measures:
- When the state fails to provide adequate support or compensation for the damages caused, individuals feel further traumatized. The lack of resources, counseling, and financial support can make those affected feel abandoned and struggle with long-term consequences without necessary help.
5. Systematic barriers to justice:
- The construction of systematic barriers that hinder individuals from seeking justice or compensation contributes to feelings of hopelessness and injustice. This can include bureaucratic obstacles, lack of legal support, or a justice system skewed in favor of the state. This experience of systemic injustice worsens the trauma and reinforces the feeling of being powerless:
[Confronting Humanity at its Worst: Social Psychological Perspectives on Genocide | Oxford Academic](https://academic.oup.com/book/37362) [oai_citation:7,academic.oup.com](https://academic.oup.com/edited-volume/40215/chapter/344569240#:~:text=URL%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Facademic.oup.com%2Fedited).
These factors combine to deepen the psychological and emotional wounds of those affected, making recovery even more difficult and slower.
I am in the midst of two legal processes: both the police investigating Nicholas' death and the state's insurance company Kammarkollegiet investigating whether we relatives are entitled to compensation for grief and loss.
We need both a statement from a cardiologist, which will cost $2000, plus finances for legal costs. I ask you to become a paid subscriber for a few months with $8 per month, so that I can continue working against the evil. The support also gives me mental energy, which heals my brain in the fight.
You have to walk a mile in a man's shoes to know what he is going through. It is so unnatural for a child to pass on before the parents and that is what makes such a loss unbearable, it is not logical from a natural perspective whereas if the parents go at a ripe old age, ofcourse they're sorely missed but it is part of a natural cycle. The other unbearable thing is for a parent or parents to have to come to terms with the fact that they made a decision which caused harm, it is something no one is equipped to deal well with as that is also unnatural due to most parents only wanting to make the right decisions for their child or children. However in the world we live in we are propagandized from birth till death unless you live in the boondocks. So once we know better, we do better, we need to trust to live as that is the glue of life and relationships and that is what is misused by those that value life less and are blinded themselves by the authorities they trust or look up to. May your journey also be a template for others to follow on how to somehow process this gigantic loss in a good way and how to navigate the legalese system and to get others to see what harm can be done if we allow for experimental 'stuff' to be used without informed consent. The inserts were allegedly empty so informed consent was not possible. Dissolving Illusions is a book I would want to give to all new parents the world over, written by Dr. Suzanne Humphries and Roman Bystrianyk, Kind regards.
I'm so touched by your writing. I just spent the evening listening to a woman relate how her husband was killed by the same beast doctors, the insane stories they gave her, giving her contradicting but continuous lies over a week and making sure of his demise by the inappropriate treatments and lack of food.
God bless you and your beautiful boy. Some of us see very clearly our mission on this Earth is to eradicate the rot that has settled on Earth. Some of us know it is the only reason to live now. We must find our way back to the Light of our Souls.